i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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