he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
