Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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