We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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