I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
