He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
