I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...