My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
