Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
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he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.