atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position