If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.