His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM