I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
