were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
