I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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