We're facebook friends in real life
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
