and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's great music for shaving your balls
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
