I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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