i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They took my balls.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
