i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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