Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
