pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
