Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
