some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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