i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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