Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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