***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
