is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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