U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
