I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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