Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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