dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
