This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
