1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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