I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
