Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
