around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
