oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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