hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
