I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
