You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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