Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
