apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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