my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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