His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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