where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
