apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
