Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize