dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
