my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he thought i was a dude.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
