When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
