When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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