OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
