If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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