thus making me awesome and them whores
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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