and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize