It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
