he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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