Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
