I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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