Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
