You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
