She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
