I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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