My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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