I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
