Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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