I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
