I'm eating all of the evidence.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
