I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
