Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
