My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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