it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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