fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
