so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
