Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
pray to the hookup gods
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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