Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
