Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
