Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
