Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize